physical therapy starts monday, june 28. although this will better my body, i think it wont be of much benefit to my mind and spirit. all follow up doctor/dental appointments where i’ve had to retell the story and focus on repairing myself has been hard. its interesting- i’ve become numb to explaining the same story over and over to friends, somewhat joking about it sometimes, but when it comes to talking about the incident and my pain to doctors, i get choked up and feel fragile all over again, and usually end up crying afterward. maybe because i allow myself to really let down my guard and i have to admit to them that i still need help. it exposes my vunerability. maybe its because i'm trying to be strong and get through this by myself, but at the end of the day, i really do need help. anytime i focus on my physical pain, it only reminds me of the accident and makes it harder to get over. it makes me feel weak inside and i end up getting really upset. my mom wants me to do this so i don't have any back problems later on in life, which i think is smart. i know i wouldn't want doctor appointments for the rest of my life.. because that would mean i'd never be able to let all this go.
im not sure what to expect from it.. silly stretches or something? who knows. but i know im ready for anything.