On Friday, June 4th I arrived in the afternoon in Connecticut where I was looking forward to a kick ass weekend with Schnurr, Whitney and Shana, and I was excited to eventually visit with CJ, Nas and Scott, who live in the area. The day went awesome, shopping in Fairfield, picking up Shana from the bus station, hangin out in Schnurr’s massive house, going out to dinner for Schnurr’s birthday. That night we were on our way to CJ’s in Old Saybrook, and I couldn’t wait to see him. I was in the passenger seat, Schnurr was driving, and Whit, Shana and Schnurr’s friend Kate were in the back. So, we’re on the highway, and out of nowhere a spinning tire comes bouncing over the cement median and immediately Schnurr says oh my God, I say Oh shit, and there is absolutely no time to do anything about it. From the time I see it to the time it hits the car, it must’ve been the time span of about 3 to 4 seconds. It basically lands on me, and with this huge blow to my head, I closed my eyes and all I felt was this inexplicable vibration go through me for 5 seconds and when I open my eyes the windshield and roof were all broken in and the sunroof shattered glass everywhere on us. I remember the rear view mirror was dangling by a cord. Instantly a million thoughts ran through my head: thoughts of God, what will my parents think, I've got to see my family again, how could this happen to me, why do I deserve to have had this happen… and the intense fear of what was wrong with me, because right away I noticed the pain in my back and neck. Call 911 was the first thing I said, and Schnurr did, and I vaguely remember what she said into her phone.. but luckily we were near a sign that told an exit coming up, so that was useful in describing where we were. I sat as still and rigid as possible because I knew not to move if a back and neck injury was expected, and all my friends got out of the car. Schnurr had some scratches and everyone just got rained on by glass, but that’s all the others suffered. I waited patiently for the ambulance to arrive. Once they did, some guy asked me where it hurt and what happened. He also had me squeeze his hands and wiggle my toes, making sure I wasn’t paralyzed. Some others put a neck brace on me and I was able to scoot over and sit on the bottom of a backboard and lay myself down while they moved me up it and scrapped me in. Once on the stretcher and being wheeled to the ambulance I was shouting to Whitney to come with me, and all the girls came aboard but I was so scared that I might’ve had to go alone. I was also scared that I’d have to get any kind of shot or anything like that on the way there or like an IV, but I didn’t which was good. So anyway when we got to the hospital I had to wait for my turn.. its pretty much first come first serve, unless its super serious. I had held my composure and been fine up until I got on the phone with my mom and I just broke down. Schnurr’s friend Kate’s mom let me use her cell. I absolutely lost it and continued to cry off and on throughout the whole time there. Then it sucked waiting because after a while the back of my head was KILLING ME, its something about having your head pressed against a hard surface for a long time it began to hurt so bad, and even when I asked a nurse if there was anything I could do about it she said no and its like what everyone complains about. Towards the end of my time waiting for help I was seriously starting to spaz out because the constant pain was driving me nuts, there was no way of relieving it. Soon I had some x-rays done and then later a catscan to check it my spines ok, and it turned out to be fine. For the catscan they had to lift me on a blanket to another table and that was excruciating.. as was when they rolled me on my side and removed the backboard, good God I wailed like nothing else. I barfed once while there, and then later on the ride home too, I had to get out of the car. It felt good to barf. Oh yeah, and my aunt and uncle came because they live in East Haven. It was my aunt though that actually held my hand and listened to me, my uncle just stood around (he’s kind of a jerk). Anyway, I left at midnight and had been there since about 8:30pm. When they had me sit up I was so dizzy and shitty and bleary eyed. Walking on my way out, I had never felt so fragile and uneasy, I was like a dying old lady. I left with my hands shaking violently, my hair a mess, scratches down my face, glass in my hair and tiny bits under the front and back of my shirt, bruised and bloodied knuckles, a bloody patch were I basically got scalped in the front of my hairline and a chipped tooth.
It’s now been 6 days since the accident and not a day has gone by that I haven’t cried. I have been incredibly unstable emotionally and feel really unconfident.. I feel like any little thing will set me off. Theres always that pressure on my chest like when you get choked up. It’s been so traumatic, but each day I laugh and smile a bit more. Courtney and Katie have each visited me once and during those times I’ve perked up and enjoyed their company. I’ve been staying home and only going outside or making little errand runs with my mom into town. Being in a car nerves me but my mom takes it real slow not to give me whiplash. But I tend to feel tired and weak after I’m up moving around for a while. Sunday I actually woke up with a real swollen face, my forehead and between the eyes was all puffy making my eyes look far apart and I looked like a lion or maybe the dwarf from Lord of the Rings. That was really hard to deal with though, because whenever I looked in the mirror it was like a huge reminder. Then on Monday it seemed like the swollenness moved down my face because that day it was real puffy under my eyes and on either side of my nose. My head is still wicked throbby today, but my back has improved a lot, although its still slightly sore right below my neck, on my upper back. The scratches on my face are healing pretty quick. That small patch that got scalped isn’t that noticeable because my hair goes over it anyway.. its funny, I’ve described myself looking like a unicorn that’s had its horn broken off because I just have this white circle of scalp in the middle of my head. I knew I’d have to tell this story a million times to people, and I already have, and I think its what prolongs the emotional distress. I know this is all gonna just take time to get through. I'm just definitely not gonna rush it. Tonight both Katie and Stew invited me out to ice cream and I just didn’t feel ready. It unexpectedly made me choked up and weak to think of driving, it really upset me and I wasn’t sure why. I don’t want this to develop into social anxiety or something crazy like that.
On the flip side, I am grateful to be alive. It could have been worse, and everyones telling me how lucky I am. But, I don’t feel completely lucky, because lucky people don’t get hit in the head with tires. However, this has been one of those experiences that reminds me and others to appreciate life and never ever ever take it for granted, because in a matter of seconds it can change drastically. Since then I have hugged my family members, especially my mom, way more often than I used to. I hug my mom so many times a day now. And you should too! Its so scary to think that a nasty accident like this can happen anytime/anyplace, and there is absolutely no way to prepare yourself. When it happens, it happens, and you're just left to deal and start over.
Oh yeah. So I found out later that was happened on the other side of the road to cause the tire to fly, was… there were 3 cars traveling near each other in the 3 lanes, and the one in the far left was moving to the middle lane and didn’t see the car in the middle lane, because it was in the left lane's blind spot. So the car in the middle moved over to the right and basically bumped into a trailer that was in the far right lane, and the tire somehow came right off the middle's car. And the tire went sailing right onto the other side of the highway!
So there ya have it. My weekend. I wish I got to see the other friends I intended to see but I didn’t, and it’s disappointing. I left Saturday because my parents drove out to bring me home. I didn’t really want to stay anyway because I felt that if I did, the other girls would have to sit around with me and it’d keep them from going out and having fun. So I was glad they got to go into NYC and make the most of the rest of their trip.
I’m off to play board games with Lindsey downstairs...